pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
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