i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
