What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
