It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
