she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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