I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
