What did we do last night that was yellow?
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Randomize
