Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize