How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Randomize
