it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
