Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
