speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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