He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
