I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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