Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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