I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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