she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize