I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
