So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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