we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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