I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
