Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
