Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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