Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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