im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
