If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
