at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Randomize
