so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
