he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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