it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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