oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I was not drunk enough for that final.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
