dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
