omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
