I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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