Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
