THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
