Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
