I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
what is it with giant penises always finding me
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
