Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
