Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
