The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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