in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
