You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
