as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
