I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
