This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
