fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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