pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
