there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
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