I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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