please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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