That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
