do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
