my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
