A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
