HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Mom said you looked used
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
