I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
My Sexting was not on an AP level
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize