There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
