i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize