I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
