wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
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