i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
