i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
