Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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