did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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