so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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