Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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