So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
