all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
