remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
