Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
