We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
