This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
